did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
he just fucked me for my cheese.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
