By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
