I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
