Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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