For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
