i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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