I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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