the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
