I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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