It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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