i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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