please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
