Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
