My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
