Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Come see our sink grown plant.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize