i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
