i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
