They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize