there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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