**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
