I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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