At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
