im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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