i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
