I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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