Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
