i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
