My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I wish you could order shots online.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize