I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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