Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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