You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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