Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Where did you get a picture of my penis
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
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