apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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