oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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