Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
