there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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