Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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