you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
