I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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