About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize