Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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