toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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