don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
