Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
