final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
