We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
