your parents love me but you hate me
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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