There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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