Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize