Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
