Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
