Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize