One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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