it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
