just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
