He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
