the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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