Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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