i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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