there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
