my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
