You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
