Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
