i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
