if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
