I just made out with a guy for $7.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
