I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
