He had one of those small greek statue penises
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
