I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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