I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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