Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize