You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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