My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
