3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
