Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
