Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
