Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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