life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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