Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
