he looks like a really good dad on facebook
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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