ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
