you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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