Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize