I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
