happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
im on a boat
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