Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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