Your face is a jimmy john
you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
