Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
