Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He did a backflip because drugs
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize