I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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