I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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