pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
