I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Randomize