i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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