I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
