I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
