Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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