Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Randomize
