How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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