im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize